Not going to deny it was a little sad to see where I am at, to realise the ground I have to re loose to get back to where I've been is :-( it takes months to move and seems that it takes little time to gain!
It's a turning point or it's a nothing point, the choice is up to me. I only have 6 weeks and 2 days until my 40th birthday, how do I want to feel when the day arrives?
I am almost 40 years old, when I think of how I started this life what a blessing that in itself is! I feel so irresponsible with the gift I was given back in 2011, to make a change in my life once and for all, when I think about the school friends I have known who are not celebrating 40, not alive to celebrate making this milestone.
Have I been greedy, selfish and misused that gift, I accept I have not been focused on giving it as much dedication and complete commitment that I should of. I am sorry to those who've supported, encouraged and tried to be there for me. Mostly I am sorry to me, for my lack of consistency, lack of want and inability to just freakin do it.
Have I been greedy, selfish and misused that gift, I accept I have not been focused on giving it as much dedication and complete commitment that I should of. I am sorry to those who've supported, encouraged and tried to be there for me. Mostly I am sorry to me, for my lack of consistency, lack of want and inability to just freakin do it.
It's past time, well over due I need to stop living like I expect failure, fundamentally that is what it all comes down to. I expect there would be failure at some point a long the road, for me here this year has shown me exactly what that feels like once again. I do not want to continue this path of self destruction, it's consuming and painful to be constantly struggling with where your at.
It's not that I expect it's all going to be smooth sailing, I am not an idiot or I guess I have been I am not going to continue acting like and idiot. I t know that the regret and feelings of failure I have experienced over the past few months have slowly been taking away the joy. The joy I had found and believed in since joining the gym. I can feel myself constantly slipping back into that same old negative mind, the one that dislikes the person I see in the mirror each day and I am not going to live that way anymore. It's destructive to all my relationships, it's destructive to my life period.
It's not that I expect it's all going to be smooth sailing, I am not an idiot or I guess I have been I am not going to continue acting like and idiot. I t know that the regret and feelings of failure I have experienced over the past few months have slowly been taking away the joy. The joy I had found and believed in since joining the gym. I can feel myself constantly slipping back into that same old negative mind, the one that dislikes the person I see in the mirror each day and I am not going to live that way anymore. It's destructive to all my relationships, it's destructive to my life period.
Today my new journey part of the original yet different from the one I have been on to this point begins. Fresh start, fresh mind, fresh body!
Enjoy the sunshine
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