It's hard to be honest with the WWW but I started this blog way back in 2012 to keep me accountable to my journey, my dreams and goals.
Not going to sugar coat it, right now I am feeling a bit down with myself, shock horror I know my outlook is usually so positive! No I just hate the physical state my body is in right now, I hate the shape my body is with no training and fat gain from the past 12 months. I love that I am working in the fitness industry but hate that I look like someone who needs the help rather than the one supplying the help.
So we are about to start a 12 week program that promotes lifestyle transformation and weight/ fat loss. I really was so focused coming into this but now that I am unable to participate in any training of intensity my motivation has gone out the window.
I start to question all that I know to be truth when I feel the depression/ blue feelings coming on and instead of being motivated to change I usually start acting in a way that would indicate I had no goals or dreams for myself.
Today I am writing it down, because I want to be honest that it's hard to stay on track, it's hard to have patience it will all come together and I will be able to train when it's been alomst 12 weeks since I've participated in a genfit or high intensity class of any kind.
So in re cap a bit sad and depressed but determined to pick myself up and focus on that which I can, the food/ nutrtion portion of the plan.
Thursday 29 January 2015
Monday 19 January 2015
WARNING LONG RAMBLINGS:
It feels appropriate to update my blog on the day I start my first gym floor shift, I certainly never saw this as a part of my future in 2011 when I decided I needed to change my life.
My life has changed significantly in part and not much in others, I still spend to much time on my phone just on different websites to the knitting ones I frequented before.
My back is still the fragile, the unstable support it's always been. The Dr told me I have the spinal degradation from wear and tear of that of a 65- 70 year old when I was 34, it didn't really mean anything at the time, I had no real understanding of what " You've got very little support between your vertabrae?
Yeah sure I had a sore back every few months, mostly this was manageable with a bit of rest and some nurophen plus then in 2010 I had the whole ambulance ride to the hospital to get drugs as I had a non stop back spasm for around 8 hours and could not move a mm without wincing in pain. Then I began my relationship with codeine and celebrex ( thank you drug companies) and how well they worked to stop the muscle spasm and get me mobile.
Don't get me wrong since that time, although almost 10 months until I joined the gym I have found exercising has definitely helped with my day to day function and mobility. I have not relied on daily pain killers/ anti inflammatory meds for a long time, up until the recent episodes of back issues. This most recent succession of injury has shown me that while embracing exercise for the past three plus years, I probably could of listened to the advice given to me long before I did to perhaps not increase the already delicate structure in my body. Also I think the extra weight I am carrying compared to two years ago is definitely not helping.
I feel more confident with who I am, not in an obnoxious way I just feel ok in my own skin most of the time, sure I will still voice my insecurities, mainly the front region from the neck down boobs and belly are to big but I more comfortable with who I am. I am working on changing my negative language and hopefully will be able to fuel a more positive self image in my own daughter than what I had/ have in myself.
I took the leap to study fitness mainly for myself and my work with art and soul and now I am actually hoping to make a go at working in the industry.
I feel it's necessary to thank all those people who've supported me a long the way, sometimes your comments/ insights have made me cry they've been so encouraging.
My family, friends, work friends, gym buddies and school mums you have all been wonderful. And I also need to make special mention to Sean or as I like to call him
Yoda, those early days you focused me, always positive you made me believe in myself I can remember the exact moment I was on the treadmill in the ladies gym when your comment that has changed my life occurred and while it's still a work in progress I am thank full every day for that spark you lit.
My own inconsistency, continued injury and disorganised lifestyle have not led me to reach what I want but you've remained a constant source of support even when I was acting like a spoiled brat who didn't want to listen (not wanting to accept the decrease in my excessive amounts of training, eating the wrong things, trying to do running when I should of stopped the first time I was told no running) when I think back to asking you to train me I honestly thought I would train with you for just 10 sessions, just to get a feel for pt and then that would be it. Now it's still going and I honestly cannot imagine trying to do it without you, sure your a little stubborn and believe your always right!
It feels appropriate to update my blog on the day I start my first gym floor shift, I certainly never saw this as a part of my future in 2011 when I decided I needed to change my life.
My life has changed significantly in part and not much in others, I still spend to much time on my phone just on different websites to the knitting ones I frequented before.
My back is still the fragile, the unstable support it's always been. The Dr told me I have the spinal degradation from wear and tear of that of a 65- 70 year old when I was 34, it didn't really mean anything at the time, I had no real understanding of what " You've got very little support between your vertabrae?
Yeah sure I had a sore back every few months, mostly this was manageable with a bit of rest and some nurophen plus then in 2010 I had the whole ambulance ride to the hospital to get drugs as I had a non stop back spasm for around 8 hours and could not move a mm without wincing in pain. Then I began my relationship with codeine and celebrex ( thank you drug companies) and how well they worked to stop the muscle spasm and get me mobile.
Don't get me wrong since that time, although almost 10 months until I joined the gym I have found exercising has definitely helped with my day to day function and mobility. I have not relied on daily pain killers/ anti inflammatory meds for a long time, up until the recent episodes of back issues. This most recent succession of injury has shown me that while embracing exercise for the past three plus years, I probably could of listened to the advice given to me long before I did to perhaps not increase the already delicate structure in my body. Also I think the extra weight I am carrying compared to two years ago is definitely not helping.
I feel more confident with who I am, not in an obnoxious way I just feel ok in my own skin most of the time, sure I will still voice my insecurities, mainly the front region from the neck down boobs and belly are to big but I more comfortable with who I am. I am working on changing my negative language and hopefully will be able to fuel a more positive self image in my own daughter than what I had/ have in myself.
I took the leap to study fitness mainly for myself and my work with art and soul and now I am actually hoping to make a go at working in the industry.
I feel it's necessary to thank all those people who've supported me a long the way, sometimes your comments/ insights have made me cry they've been so encouraging.
My family, friends, work friends, gym buddies and school mums you have all been wonderful. And I also need to make special mention to Sean or as I like to call him
Yoda, those early days you focused me, always positive you made me believe in myself I can remember the exact moment I was on the treadmill in the ladies gym when your comment that has changed my life occurred and while it's still a work in progress I am thank full every day for that spark you lit.
My own inconsistency, continued injury and disorganised lifestyle have not led me to reach what I want but you've remained a constant source of support even when I was acting like a spoiled brat who didn't want to listen (not wanting to accept the decrease in my excessive amounts of training, eating the wrong things, trying to do running when I should of stopped the first time I was told no running) when I think back to asking you to train me I honestly thought I would train with you for just 10 sessions, just to get a feel for pt and then that would be it. Now it's still going and I honestly cannot imagine trying to do it without you, sure your a little stubborn and believe your always right!
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