Yeh changing it up again, have been suffering with anxiety and depression really bad this week! Feeling completely overwhelmed and unsure with everything that is my life right now, I want to honour my plan to work with people in the community that need the help and assistance and not be focused so much on making a dollar.

So I've been trying intermittent fasting for the past two weeks and counting macros, the process just suits my life most of the time except for when times like this morning when I just say stuff it and have black coffee with some sugary carbs and fats.

My point is I'm happier, more able to commit to eating properly because I am not depriving myself of high energy carbs, do I think this will suit me long term probably not but I am not stuck in a place where I feel hopeless anymore and like a failure.

So there will be mixed feelings on this post and some may be disappointed with my choices that's ok

Life is extremely different to what I ever thought it would be as a child/ teenager, being willing to change allows growth. 

I am continuing to work on  myself and my fitness/ health  goals and be the best version of me that I can be. For me at the moment all I am doing is following the exercise guidelines I've been restricted to since injuring my back.  I was accused of not  taking my rehab seriously and it pissed me off as  that's just not true, perception is in the eye of the beholder so how someone sees your reality is not always the way it is. And don't think you know someone's situation totally because you only know what they choose to let you see. 

People must see me as the pt who has a lot of fat to lose, they do not understand that there has already been a dramatic change or the person I have built myself into. Is there perception of me wrong? No they simply do not have all the facts, I struggled for many years accepting who I am and while I want to change some of my physical realities I am pretty happy with who I have become over the past 3.5 years since developing a love for fitness and health. 

This week I've been challenged to try something outside of my comfort zone by someone that I respect and value the opinion of. Initially I thought no way but he said something to me that made me stop and take notice. He said the passion you used to have for fitness has been replaced, I no longer so the joy you had for exercise and transforming your body that you had when you first started at the gym. 

He's not wrong, it's hard to be excited about an exercise program that I loath, the endorphin rush from the way I used to train is just not present and I'm reluctant to even train most days. So from Thursday last week I have made a conscious effort to commit to my training and rehab program 100%. I thought about just doing my own thing and working out my own training, but I just need to suck it up and accept I was given the advice for a reason and as frustrating as it is, I just need to accept this is the way it is for now. 

I am tracking myself over the next 6 months and look forward to see what happens with my back, body and self. 

Thanks for reading. xo