I watched biggest loser season opener last night, I knew it was from Ararat around the area we just holidayed in and we actually saw them filming in Halls Gap we think at the local pool.
I find this show just brings back so many feelings for me, from before I joined the gym and started exercising trying to change my life. I could feel the overwhelming sense of not being worthy of life, their complete desperation that something has to change but just not being able to put one foot in front of the other and see a way out. Hiding behind layers of fat, keeping yourself fed but not satisfied with life or who you've become.
I felt like a failure when I thought this is the 3rd biggest loser since I started trying to change my life, there are many people I know personally and who I have followed on instagram who started after the 2012 season and have reached their goals and have accomplished so much more than me, I am just not strong enough, mentally tough enough or craving it enough. Why am I still struggling and trying to push past this point? Then I was reminded of a conversation I'd been a part of at church this evening and my friend Sam had shared a phrase that someone on her facebook had posted and it was something like.
" Instead of thinking about wanting to be happy, think about what you are willing to give up and sacrifice to make yourself happy."
Happiness if that's what I am craving? I am happy, most of the time, I know my blog may sound like I'm not. For me it's a sounding board and usually once I write stuff down, I can forget it and move on.
I am happy, because I have found a love of exercise I never dreamed would happen. There are not enough words to describe the high I get from lifting heavier, being able to do things I didn't think possible is really cool. Yes I wish I didn't have to adapt most things for injury but I am thankful that I still have a body that can do most of what I want it to. Who is sad they cannot do burpees or jump squats not me :-)
Changing my body size will not make me happy, changing my body size will make me complete!
I want to be complete
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