What causes food to become a controlling factor of so many peoples happiness? Why is it such a hard thought process to break? Why do some people come up with the thought process of it's just so easy just don't eat this and eat this WOW gees I wish I had of tried that THANK YOU your wisdom has solved the issue for everyone!

Let me tell you it's never more embarrassing than being in the environment I work in and looking like I do, I wish I could just coat every bit of food with a vile substance that would alter the way I react to food to not stray from the nutritional path I know I should follow.

I constantly feel like a fraud, I love my clients but I'm sure deep down they and my group class participants question my understanding of health and fitness because I am not a walking billboard for health and fitness.

Let's be honest I don't sleep well most nights, I am injured and have to modify most activities and I cannot complete a lot of the workouts I set my clients because of the injuries I have. My mind has not caught up with the idea that it's all about nutrition  but I am continually  working on it.

So I have decided August is a month of wholeness, healing and long term  happiness this is going to be my moto when choosing the meals to nourish my body, the way I will talk to myself and the way I will interact with workmates, family and friends.

I had to choose to not participate in my favourite charity this term as my dh felt my time outside the home was almost at full capacity and my exhaustion levels each evening needed to be simplified with less work not adding to it. I am a little sad but know putting my family and my health and well being first will bring about a peace I see.

August whole 30 starts tomorrow.

My life is a bit chaotic at the moment, I am trying to make a living and support my husband by doing 3 jobs plus squeeze in being  a wife and mother. All this takes time but it seems daunting when I am also slowly, slowly  getting my own health and fitness back on track and focusing on  not dillydallying up a path that is leading me in circles.

I find balance is something my day to day routine is very much lacking in at the moment.

My fitness journey was at it's peak about 3 years ago or one year into my weight loss when I was feeling confident I could achive something I had wanted the whole of my adult life. Now I am not sure what that looks like for me anymore,  but for now I am trying to be positive with where I'm at and  who I am.

Sugar and caffeine are still my number 1 combined de railers! I do not containg the will power to just banish them both from my day, but that's no surprise as  I am weak and no coffee at the moment is not an option because I really want to be neutral about sugar and not an absaloute crack head so will focus on sugar elimination once again.

Exercise is minimal still and quite regressed to what I was doing especially legs training, it's hard to believe he is still around but  Sean is still training me after almost 4 years! Seriously  that kid deservers some kind of medal for putting up with my crazy, inconsistent, stubborn self. His dedication to his craft is admirable and I am so much better than I was 4 years ago, even if others find it hard to see I know in my heart the change was significant.

Feel like I'm  sitting at  the heaviest weight Ive been in 2.5 years but the balliesr I've been  with regards to my journey for ages.
I've actually found balance that seems to flow.


Excessive exercise was never the answer when my nutrition was