January 1 Post: HAPPY NEW YEAR
WARNING THIS BLOG IS MAINLY ABOUT MY JOURNEY TO HEALTH AND SO THERE IS LOTS OF EXERCISE, FOOD AND EMOTIONS.
2016 Was not a terrible year for me, it was actually a year of awakening and acceptance, maturity in understanding my body and it's limitations accepting and pushing for change through working with rather than against my body.
There has been a big change to my working life as of 2 day ago, while I know the change was necessary, I am still finding it hard to process to completion. I can't actually bring myself to throw my work uniform away, a uniform I dislike it's hideously uncomfortable to wear. So I am just sitting with it at the moment, reflecting on the opportunity I had over the past 5.5 years with Specsavers to work with some amazing people who I am grateful to have known, when I am really ready to throw it out I will. I just don't want to lose that one piece of my life that has for so long been a part of me, the title that allows me to feel connected to the working world and a life outside of being wife, mother, sister, daughter, friend. just me.
I participated in a 12 week challenge at they gym in August- November and it was not a life changer for me in terms of losing body fat and changing body composition. It did make me question what kind of long term damage I have done to my body with all the dieting, poor nutrition and extreme exercise over the past 5 years and why my body is functioning worse by the end of the challenge than the beginning, when I had done things very differently to the prior few months to make it a success.
I am thinking about continuing education but also just studying for my own personal growth and not to " work" for the moment I would just like to be able to assist Scott and work with my husband wearing whatever want and with whatever hair I want.
After a body scan analysis I was encouraged to begin eating meat again or at the very least eggs, which is not the issue. There are plenty of plant based body building meatheads that do not include any animal products and are fine. But for some reason I was losing muscle mass and not body fat.
One of the trainers I used during the challenge gave me the contact information for a naturopath who is science based and very informative. I've met with him twice and in two consultations he was able to establish exactly what my body composition is but also what my cells are doing and is seems they are not absorbing nutrients or water so I am dehydrated at a cell level and and while I have a good amount of muscle for my frame the muscle quality is poor due to lack of nutrients. While I am dehydrated I am also carrying a lot of inflammation based fluid which is probably from both injuries and food intolerance. Finally some answers, so for now we are working on building a stronger gut which will in turn allow for a change from the inside that should improve the outside. Already with a better b vitamin than ever before I have found my coffee consumption has dropped from every day to probably every third day.
So for this coming year I plan to be more present with myself, family,my friends and more present in the community.
Starting with keeping a better financial budget and being responsible for moving my body daily in some way.
Saturday 31 December 2016
Saturday 24 September 2016
Hey guys it's not Nicole,
Currently I am writing a shopping list with my cookbible it's been awhile since I've wanted to create our weekly shopping around MP purely from laziness, I've seen the success it brings and I want to be all that I can be. Not just a changed physical person I want to feel health and vitality long term, this program allows for structure and freedom.
I know there are programs that promote massive change in short term time frame that many of you have had success with and I celebrate that with you, but I don't want to do that, for me feeling well long term has to be maintainable. It's about changing the focus from what I look like only to how I feel internally, how strong my body is, how well it repairs and replenishes and how it looks.
I am 1/2 way through a challenge at the gym and I am loving it, getting back to regularly exercise where I feel like I am actually achieving something for my health and well being. I had no desire other than to see it through with out giving up. This week has not been ideal, I missed meals, ate out with friends and my son and Rosie I consumed 1 bottle of CC and dry with my son Friday night at his presentation.
I have also noticed my one coffee a day is becoming more like 2 or even 3 occassionaly and I am not drinking enough h2O, so this is my public accountability to fix that.
I was blessed with cheaper tickets a couple of years ago, to see Gillian Michaels ( thank you so much TD) with her Maximise Your Life tour, this week I have thought a lot about that night and if I am living the principles? No mostly I am not, I am 42 years old and I am still waiting to live the life I was created for, what's stopping me?
I want to continue to work with people who suffer with depression and anxiety, I want to explore all that involves and be a part of the program in the capacity I am capable.
I want to be a better person, more willing to give of myself and not limit it to my comfort zone.
Currently I am writing a shopping list with my cookbible it's been awhile since I've wanted to create our weekly shopping around MP purely from laziness, I've seen the success it brings and I want to be all that I can be. Not just a changed physical person I want to feel health and vitality long term, this program allows for structure and freedom.
I know there are programs that promote massive change in short term time frame that many of you have had success with and I celebrate that with you, but I don't want to do that, for me feeling well long term has to be maintainable. It's about changing the focus from what I look like only to how I feel internally, how strong my body is, how well it repairs and replenishes and how it looks.
I am 1/2 way through a challenge at the gym and I am loving it, getting back to regularly exercise where I feel like I am actually achieving something for my health and well being. I had no desire other than to see it through with out giving up. This week has not been ideal, I missed meals, ate out with friends and my son and Rosie I consumed 1 bottle of CC and dry with my son Friday night at his presentation.
I have also noticed my one coffee a day is becoming more like 2 or even 3 occassionaly and I am not drinking enough h2O, so this is my public accountability to fix that.
I was blessed with cheaper tickets a couple of years ago, to see Gillian Michaels ( thank you so much TD) with her Maximise Your Life tour, this week I have thought a lot about that night and if I am living the principles? No mostly I am not, I am 42 years old and I am still waiting to live the life I was created for, what's stopping me?
I want to continue to work with people who suffer with depression and anxiety, I want to explore all that involves and be a part of the program in the capacity I am capable.
I want to be a better person, more willing to give of myself and not limit it to my comfort zone.
Wednesday 31 August 2016
Two months since my last post, okay today I wanted to address mental health as well as physical.
I realised this week, I have fallen into the trap of believing in order to experience happiness in life that I have to feel joyous and happy ( thank you to Dr Jodi Richardson for her insightful workshop on this topic, such a light bulb moment) That was, is not the case. I made the connection between my negative responses and the reality that it's okay to feel sad, I simply need to recognise it and work with it doesn't mean life needs to change, it will inevitably be filled with times of sadness I need to change how I responded to each and every situation.
I hope my attitude has not caused any long term damage to relationships and I apologise for being a sour puss.
Secondly exercise, how good is it to be able to move your body to release some stress, anger, frustration. re build a damaged, broken body. I initially saw exercise as only a way to change my physical appearance which I did and was still unhappy with who I was! I'm sure I am not alone in believing exercise is done to change the way you look, lets be honest you can definitely do that with exercise and the right fuel.
I see it as a way to keep my self in tune mentally far more than I am concerned with how I look, if I start to miss too many gym sessions I suffer. My body simply does not function without regular exercise to keep my joints mobile, I have no idea how I got by doing nothing for so long, my next goal I want to start walking with my dogs more so I'm outside in the sunshine and not just inside the gym all the time. If you do not exercise at all or see no benefit I encourage you to take a walk to the end of your street today and back or even around your back yard, you will feel better for it.
I am currently in the third week of a 12 week challenge, I committed to no alcohol or chocolate in the block and so far so good. We had body scans done at the start of the challenge with inbody and I am shocked by what has taken place inside me over the past 12 months. I know my training dropped again due to my second severe back injury in less than 12 months, I currently do low load leg work and then injured my forearm/ wrist and hand so couldn't do a lot of upper body strength work. Started working a lot more and just didn't go to the gym.
Embarrassing result but I gained 2kg on the scales which itself is not great but changeable but the horrifying part is, it equated to losing a significant amount of muscle and gaining body fat. It showed me beyond a doubt that body composition if far more important than a number on the scale. Quite simply going by my bm it i shifted by less than .3 but I actually gained 7kg of fat and lost 4 kg of muscle, I am owning it public because I hope my struggles can show you that changing your life is long term, I am on the road back to where I want to be but it's hard to make the choice to be active and eat well 80% of the time.
Thanks to my trainers, you two are awesome and I love working with both of you.
I realised this week, I have fallen into the trap of believing in order to experience happiness in life that I have to feel joyous and happy ( thank you to Dr Jodi Richardson for her insightful workshop on this topic, such a light bulb moment) That was, is not the case. I made the connection between my negative responses and the reality that it's okay to feel sad, I simply need to recognise it and work with it doesn't mean life needs to change, it will inevitably be filled with times of sadness I need to change how I responded to each and every situation.
I hope my attitude has not caused any long term damage to relationships and I apologise for being a sour puss.
Secondly exercise, how good is it to be able to move your body to release some stress, anger, frustration. re build a damaged, broken body. I initially saw exercise as only a way to change my physical appearance which I did and was still unhappy with who I was! I'm sure I am not alone in believing exercise is done to change the way you look, lets be honest you can definitely do that with exercise and the right fuel.
I see it as a way to keep my self in tune mentally far more than I am concerned with how I look, if I start to miss too many gym sessions I suffer. My body simply does not function without regular exercise to keep my joints mobile, I have no idea how I got by doing nothing for so long, my next goal I want to start walking with my dogs more so I'm outside in the sunshine and not just inside the gym all the time. If you do not exercise at all or see no benefit I encourage you to take a walk to the end of your street today and back or even around your back yard, you will feel better for it.
I am currently in the third week of a 12 week challenge, I committed to no alcohol or chocolate in the block and so far so good. We had body scans done at the start of the challenge with inbody and I am shocked by what has taken place inside me over the past 12 months. I know my training dropped again due to my second severe back injury in less than 12 months, I currently do low load leg work and then injured my forearm/ wrist and hand so couldn't do a lot of upper body strength work. Started working a lot more and just didn't go to the gym.
Embarrassing result but I gained 2kg on the scales which itself is not great but changeable but the horrifying part is, it equated to losing a significant amount of muscle and gaining body fat. It showed me beyond a doubt that body composition if far more important than a number on the scale. Quite simply going by my bm it i shifted by less than .3 but I actually gained 7kg of fat and lost 4 kg of muscle, I am owning it public because I hope my struggles can show you that changing your life is long term, I am on the road back to where I want to be but it's hard to make the choice to be active and eat well 80% of the time.
Thanks to my trainers, you two are awesome and I love working with both of you.
Two months since my last post, okay today I wanted to address mental health as well as physical.
I realised this week, I have fallen into the trap of believing in order to experience happiness in life that I have to feel joyous and happy ( thank you to Dr Jodi Richardson for her insightful workshop on this topic, such a light bulb moment) That was, is not the case. I made the connection between my negative responses and the reality that it's okay to feel sad, I simply need to recognise it and work with it doesn't mean life needs to change, it will inevitably be filled with times of sadness I need to change how I responded to each and every situation.
I hope my attitude has not caused any long term damage to relationships and I apologise for being a sour puss.
Secondly exercise, how good is it to be able to move your body to release some stress, anger, frustration. re build a damaged, broken body. I initially saw exercise as only a way to change my physical appearance which I did and was still unhappy with who I was! I'm sure I am not alone in believing exercise is done to change the way you look, lets be honest you can definitely do that with exercise and the right fuel.
I see it as a way to keep my self in tune mentally far more than I am concerned with how I look, if I start to miss too many gym sessions I suffer. My body simply does not function without regular exercise to keep my joints mobile, I have no idea how I got by doing nothing for so long, my next goal I want to start walking with my dogs more so I'm outside in the sunshine and not just inside the gym all the time. If you do not exercise at all or see no benefit I encourage you to take a walk to the end of your street today and back or even around your back yard, you will feel better for it.
I am currently in the third week of a 12 week challenge, I committed to no alcohol or chocolate in the block and so far so good. We had body scans done at the start of the challenge with inbody and I am shocked by what has taken place inside me over the past 12 months. I know my training dropped again due to my second severe back injury in less than 12 months, I currently do low load leg work and then injured my forearm/ wrist and hand so couldn't do a lot of upper body strength work. Started working a lot more and just didn't go to the gym.
Embarrassing result but I gained 2kg on the scales which itself is not great but changeable but the horrifying part is, it equated to losing a significant amount of muscle and gaining body fat. It showed me beyond a doubt that body composition if far more important than a number on the scale. Quite simply going by my bm it i shifted by less than .3 but I actually gained 7kg of fat and lost 4 kg of muscle, I am owning it public because I hope my struggles can show you that changing your life is long term, I am on the road back to where I want to be but it's hard to make the choice to be active and eat well 80% of the time.
Thanks to my trainers, you two are awesome and I love working with both of you.
I realised this week, I have fallen into the trap of believing in order to experience happiness in life that I have to feel joyous and happy ( thank you to Dr Jodi Richardson for her insightful workshop on this topic, such a light bulb moment) That was, is not the case. I made the connection between my negative responses and the reality that it's okay to feel sad, I simply need to recognise it and work with it doesn't mean life needs to change, it will inevitably be filled with times of sadness I need to change how I responded to each and every situation.
I hope my attitude has not caused any long term damage to relationships and I apologise for being a sour puss.
Secondly exercise, how good is it to be able to move your body to release some stress, anger, frustration. re build a damaged, broken body. I initially saw exercise as only a way to change my physical appearance which I did and was still unhappy with who I was! I'm sure I am not alone in believing exercise is done to change the way you look, lets be honest you can definitely do that with exercise and the right fuel.
I see it as a way to keep my self in tune mentally far more than I am concerned with how I look, if I start to miss too many gym sessions I suffer. My body simply does not function without regular exercise to keep my joints mobile, I have no idea how I got by doing nothing for so long, my next goal I want to start walking with my dogs more so I'm outside in the sunshine and not just inside the gym all the time. If you do not exercise at all or see no benefit I encourage you to take a walk to the end of your street today and back or even around your back yard, you will feel better for it.
I am currently in the third week of a 12 week challenge, I committed to no alcohol or chocolate in the block and so far so good. We had body scans done at the start of the challenge with inbody and I am shocked by what has taken place inside me over the past 12 months. I know my training dropped again due to my second severe back injury in less than 12 months, I currently do low load leg work and then injured my forearm/ wrist and hand so couldn't do a lot of upper body strength work. Started working a lot more and just didn't go to the gym.
Embarrassing result but I gained 2kg on the scales which itself is not great but changeable but the horrifying part is, it equated to losing a significant amount of muscle and gaining body fat. It showed me beyond a doubt that body composition if far more important than a number on the scale. Quite simply going by my bm it i shifted by less than .3 but I actually gained 7kg of fat and lost 4 kg of muscle, I am owning it public because I hope my struggles can show you that changing your life is long term, I am on the road back to where I want to be but it's hard to make the choice to be active and eat well 80% of the time.
Thanks to my trainers, you two are awesome and I love working with both of you.
Saturday 9 July 2016
Today I am choosing to be happier on purpose, what does that mean?
I accept my life is not always going to feel like the sun is shining but there is a need for me to get up and get out of bed, move my body and eat well, even when I don't feel like it I need to live through all those emotions.
In another confrontational honest blog post, the past 8 weeks have been hard, I have felt an immense sense of self loathing and just not being good enough for most aspects of my life and especially for the people I am entrusted to love and care for above all else.
There are times of feeling completely inadequate in my role at work both for SS and with the role I have at Wood Ideas, as a wife, mother, daughter, sister and friend. In all honesty I was barely hanging on, the depression and depth of feeling isolated while surrounded by people was suffocating but I was continuing to believe it will pass, that I can move past it and see a way out of the tunnel.
What that meant has meant is I want to shut myself off from everybody and everything, I don't try to maintain relationships, I feel overwhelmed making simple decisions and committing or over committing to everything else is easy because I don't want to feel or let anyone know how I am feeling.
So for today I am open to feeling better in the near future and I will commit to taking each day with a thankful breath and accepting what blessing it is to be alive.
In terms of fitness/ fat loss/ exercise I need to get my mojo back and find my love for all things exercise again.
Sunday 29 May 2016
Why write a fitness/ health blog when you are clearly not apparently fit, why write a weight loss blog when you are clearly not losing weight and it's been at least 2 years since you've made any sort of progess down in numbers?
People may look at the outside package and see someone who is in desperate need of help in the body construction dept and I know I need to step up and do some hard work, I am currently the least consistent I have been in a long time both nutritionally and exercise wise.
Mostly my issue at the moment is stress being overwhelmed with working and then the time I have to devote to other stuff I am not devoting enough time to prep, pre planning and preparing and then actually sticking to the plan and not letting my emotions control the choices I make by either not eating on time, eating the wrong thing or just not eating when I know my body needs fuel like ( post working out)
How I plan to do this, well in the form of consistent application of the foundation and principles I value, the MP system is what I know works, allowing that to take me from here to there is a matter of being the one to Eat to fuel my body using each meal to create the correct environment to achieve the body I want, drink water to aid fat loss and keep everything churning and limit all else or remove completely and exercising no more and especially no less at the moment than what is needed.
I have been aware for sometime that my errors during my first 12 months of exercising/ training and body transformation are still part of my downfall now. I lost weight consistently fairly quickly initially because I was exercising for the first time in years, my body knows how to do that now and I don't get the same scale rewards anymore that I did back then, no weeks of losing almost 3-4kg tbh I don't look for them either.
Here is my honesty and accountability I haven't stood on the scales for months and tomorrow I will for the first time in about 3 months. I am a little apprehensive and nervous but it honestly does not affect my self worth anymore. it's a number and while I want to see where I am at and how my measurements are for my own record. To those who judge me because of it, If you don't like me for the number on the scales or the size of my clothes that's your loss. I am okay I just want to be the best version of me and this currently is not her.
People may look at the outside package and see someone who is in desperate need of help in the body construction dept and I know I need to step up and do some hard work, I am currently the least consistent I have been in a long time both nutritionally and exercise wise.
Mostly my issue at the moment is stress being overwhelmed with working and then the time I have to devote to other stuff I am not devoting enough time to prep, pre planning and preparing and then actually sticking to the plan and not letting my emotions control the choices I make by either not eating on time, eating the wrong thing or just not eating when I know my body needs fuel like ( post working out)
How I plan to do this, well in the form of consistent application of the foundation and principles I value, the MP system is what I know works, allowing that to take me from here to there is a matter of being the one to Eat to fuel my body using each meal to create the correct environment to achieve the body I want, drink water to aid fat loss and keep everything churning and limit all else or remove completely and exercising no more and especially no less at the moment than what is needed.
I have been aware for sometime that my errors during my first 12 months of exercising/ training and body transformation are still part of my downfall now. I lost weight consistently fairly quickly initially because I was exercising for the first time in years, my body knows how to do that now and I don't get the same scale rewards anymore that I did back then, no weeks of losing almost 3-4kg tbh I don't look for them either.
Here is my honesty and accountability I haven't stood on the scales for months and tomorrow I will for the first time in about 3 months. I am a little apprehensive and nervous but it honestly does not affect my self worth anymore. it's a number and while I want to see where I am at and how my measurements are for my own record. To those who judge me because of it, If you don't like me for the number on the scales or the size of my clothes that's your loss. I am okay I just want to be the best version of me and this currently is not her.
Monday 29 February 2016
Two days in a row, it's been awhile since that has happened.
Yesterday's post had me feeling a bit annoyed about something I have no control over someone else, today I am a little less concerned with it. While I do not think it's a good idea to ever ask someone what their weight is, I know I have asked people at the end of a challenge who appear to of transformed a lot how they did and maybe that is just as invasive, I will keep a check on that from now on to.
Had a follow up appointment with my osteopath yesterday, mainly for my ongoing hip issues if I don't look after them I know I will have another back spasm issue.
I had been experiencing some tenderness in my left wrist since Friday so thought I would get him to check it and just tell me it's in my head. Turns out I am not I was not imagining it and I had actually done something to my left wrist while doing push ups on Friday morning at boot camp. So my exercise routine once again is a little disrupted as he felt I needed a few days recovery before trying to use my wrist again.
Food wise it's been hard to get enough protein into my diet without the use of a supplement, but I have found an amazingly yummy coconut and pea protein that I really like, some of the other ones taste like chalk.
While I am trying to only cook a vegan style diet, the full transition is slow and I find there have been days when the option when I have been out socialising is lacto veg or ovo veg food and I do not want to make a big deal about my sudden change in diet so I have eaten it without concern or guilt and this is probably the way I will continue so I guess I am a mostly a lacto/ ovo vegetegan :)
I like me, my choices and I am choosing to be happier on purpose
I hope your tuesday is amazing
Yesterday's post had me feeling a bit annoyed about something I have no control over someone else, today I am a little less concerned with it. While I do not think it's a good idea to ever ask someone what their weight is, I know I have asked people at the end of a challenge who appear to of transformed a lot how they did and maybe that is just as invasive, I will keep a check on that from now on to.
Had a follow up appointment with my osteopath yesterday, mainly for my ongoing hip issues if I don't look after them I know I will have another back spasm issue.
I had been experiencing some tenderness in my left wrist since Friday so thought I would get him to check it and just tell me it's in my head. Turns out I am not I was not imagining it and I had actually done something to my left wrist while doing push ups on Friday morning at boot camp. So my exercise routine once again is a little disrupted as he felt I needed a few days recovery before trying to use my wrist again.
Food wise it's been hard to get enough protein into my diet without the use of a supplement, but I have found an amazingly yummy coconut and pea protein that I really like, some of the other ones taste like chalk.
While I am trying to only cook a vegan style diet, the full transition is slow and I find there have been days when the option when I have been out socialising is lacto veg or ovo veg food and I do not want to make a big deal about my sudden change in diet so I have eaten it without concern or guilt and this is probably the way I will continue so I guess I am a mostly a lacto/ ovo vegetegan :)
I like me, my choices and I am choosing to be happier on purpose
I hope your tuesday is amazing
Sunday 28 February 2016
Today's post will be hard to read for some and that's okay. I am not going to my an apology for my apology.
This morning at the gym I was asked a question that has been asked a few times over the past almost 5 years I have been working out and trying to be the best physically that I can be.
I was asked what weight I got down to when I was at my smallest size?
I hate that question! I hated it 3,5 years ago when I was at my leanest and I hate it now, mainly because when I say the numbers I feel like a failure as I was still not within my healthy weight range for height according to the bmi charts and def now because the difference between then and now is very very hard to look at daily.
Right now my journey as morphed from only being about the size of my ass/ weight into being one about whole health and fitness and trying to remain focused on this is a daily battle. To try and focus on keeping myself functional and not injured and healing from the foundation up is not what the environment encourages. I do not want to stay this size but I also don't want to be on another merry go round ride to this same place in 3 years.
Remember everyone has a story and just because you can see one dimension of it does not mean you have the whole story. I am sorry to those I have looked at and commented about who are just trying to be the best they can be, I had no right to make a comment about ANY aspect of your journey and I apologize.
Week 4 of the 12 week challenge.
This morning at the gym I was asked a question that has been asked a few times over the past almost 5 years I have been working out and trying to be the best physically that I can be.
I was asked what weight I got down to when I was at my smallest size?
I hate that question! I hated it 3,5 years ago when I was at my leanest and I hate it now, mainly because when I say the numbers I feel like a failure as I was still not within my healthy weight range for height according to the bmi charts and def now because the difference between then and now is very very hard to look at daily.
Right now my journey as morphed from only being about the size of my ass/ weight into being one about whole health and fitness and trying to remain focused on this is a daily battle. To try and focus on keeping myself functional and not injured and healing from the foundation up is not what the environment encourages. I do not want to stay this size but I also don't want to be on another merry go round ride to this same place in 3 years.
Remember everyone has a story and just because you can see one dimension of it does not mean you have the whole story. I am sorry to those I have looked at and commented about who are just trying to be the best they can be, I had no right to make a comment about ANY aspect of your journey and I apologize.
Week 4 of the 12 week challenge.
Saturday 13 February 2016
Oh hey blog readers, it's been a couple of weeks since I've posted. What has happened?
I've re commenced real active training which is making me super :) I have been a little non structured with it though. Setting my alarm and not actually getting out of bed some days. I have decided this needs to change, there is no point planning exercise and not actually doing it when it just makes me feel like I've wasted an opportunity to achieve my goals.
This week was the first week I actually managed a full week of training like I used to, the last time was probably 15 months ago, due to recurring back injuries all last year.
Had some photo's taken yesterday for a before and after comparison, not my favorite thing to do!
Clearly and honestly , I hadn't noticed just how far from my body shape/ size goals my current physique was, so the photo session as confronting as it was, it was a sharp reality slap that I hadn't really gotten a glimpse of in a while I try to avoid looking in the mirror when semi naked:).
After this I checked my time hope app which bought up a 3.5 year old photo, this of course was when I was a much leaner version of the current me and it was like bam!
I know I achieved that, I also know it was achieve through believe in myself and pushing beyond any limits I thought I had. I know I can do it again ( this time will be healthy and less traumatic for my body) Right now I need to stop living in the negative and looking at the past, this body of mine has had to endure quite a bit of trauma these last 3.5 years with surgeries and back injuries and all the other toxic crap I have thrown at it. I need to let it go and do what I can now to make it better not live in the could of been alternate reality.
Here's to a time frame of commitment and belief that I can make the change needed to achieve my goals one step at a time.
Have a great Sunday xo
I've re commenced real active training which is making me super :) I have been a little non structured with it though. Setting my alarm and not actually getting out of bed some days. I have decided this needs to change, there is no point planning exercise and not actually doing it when it just makes me feel like I've wasted an opportunity to achieve my goals.
This week was the first week I actually managed a full week of training like I used to, the last time was probably 15 months ago, due to recurring back injuries all last year.
Had some photo's taken yesterday for a before and after comparison, not my favorite thing to do!
Clearly and honestly , I hadn't noticed just how far from my body shape/ size goals my current physique was, so the photo session as confronting as it was, it was a sharp reality slap that I hadn't really gotten a glimpse of in a while I try to avoid looking in the mirror when semi naked:).
After this I checked my time hope app which bought up a 3.5 year old photo, this of course was when I was a much leaner version of the current me and it was like bam!
I know I achieved that, I also know it was achieve through believe in myself and pushing beyond any limits I thought I had. I know I can do it again ( this time will be healthy and less traumatic for my body) Right now I need to stop living in the negative and looking at the past, this body of mine has had to endure quite a bit of trauma these last 3.5 years with surgeries and back injuries and all the other toxic crap I have thrown at it. I need to let it go and do what I can now to make it better not live in the could of been alternate reality.
Here's to a time frame of commitment and belief that I can make the change needed to achieve my goals one step at a time.
Have a great Sunday xo
Tuesday 19 January 2016
A couple of things, I suck and not drinking alcohol at the moment. I've never been one to enjoy a nightly drink but that is my crutch at the moment. Need to break that, I hate feeling like I just have to have it to get through to the end of my day but that's exactly how I have felt.
A clever workmate, tagged me in an article on facebook that I have been contemplating ever since. Basically it was saying life is not about how happy we feel all the time and the good feelings we live with it's about the pain we are willing to live with to achieve the happiness we want.
For example to lose bodyfat I have to be willing to eat less sugar, processed foods, plan and prepare my food and be prepared to drink mainly water, while also incorporating a certain amount of physical activity as I have learned from the past this cannot be excessive or extreme or my body will not function the way I chose. To achieve my goal of less body fat and a more functional body I may have to do painful things that involve getting up early to exercise before work , it may involve declining a dinner invitation, or accepting and taking my own prepared food, choosing not to go because the venue does not allow for me to stick to my eating choice or simply sitting there watching other people eat foods I have enjoyed while I choose not to.
Most people who are successful with long term body change after struggling with weight are people who have worked out the level of pain they are willing to live with to achieve their happiness. I clearly had a want but had not worked out the level of pain I was willing to live with the achieve my goal.
This principal can be applied to almost every aspect of life, for me and this blog I have made it about body transformation/ fat loss but you can see where I am going with this.
I have returned to training after being a no exerciser for almost 3 months and I can tell you it's hard committing the time and effort to get it done, but I know I need to if I want to reach my goal.
A clever workmate, tagged me in an article on facebook that I have been contemplating ever since. Basically it was saying life is not about how happy we feel all the time and the good feelings we live with it's about the pain we are willing to live with to achieve the happiness we want.
For example to lose bodyfat I have to be willing to eat less sugar, processed foods, plan and prepare my food and be prepared to drink mainly water, while also incorporating a certain amount of physical activity as I have learned from the past this cannot be excessive or extreme or my body will not function the way I chose. To achieve my goal of less body fat and a more functional body I may have to do painful things that involve getting up early to exercise before work , it may involve declining a dinner invitation, or accepting and taking my own prepared food, choosing not to go because the venue does not allow for me to stick to my eating choice or simply sitting there watching other people eat foods I have enjoyed while I choose not to.
Most people who are successful with long term body change after struggling with weight are people who have worked out the level of pain they are willing to live with to achieve their happiness. I clearly had a want but had not worked out the level of pain I was willing to live with the achieve my goal.
This principal can be applied to almost every aspect of life, for me and this blog I have made it about body transformation/ fat loss but you can see where I am going with this.
I have returned to training after being a no exerciser for almost 3 months and I can tell you it's hard committing the time and effort to get it done, but I know I need to if I want to reach my goal.
Wednesday 13 January 2016
In the words of Nicole Arbour what they don't tell you when they try to sell you pretty plus size clothing is that it's plus diabetes, plus heart disease, plus knee and joint problems, plus f ing health care burden.
I am no longer normal sized and seeing the reflection of someone I once was but no longer thought I would be in the window or mirror is hard to accept
I did this, I decided one day to accept those couple of kg's extra over the Chrsitmas/ New year period then those few more etc etc and now it seems so huge to get back to where I was.
Each decision, I make has an effect on the place I live, choose with care and caution.
Sunday 3 January 2016
Good to be back to blogging, now there is going to be no New Year new me post because tbh I am pretty happy with the person I am, there are parts of my physical appearance that are not ideal but the change from within I am totally okay with and I think I needed to experience all of it to be where I am.
Do I feel embarrassed that my life went backwards from where it was 3 years ago in terms of weight gain? yes a little. Since I went in for surgery in 2013 I have gained approximately 20kg that's a lot of weight and I don't like the way I feel moving around most of the time. My joints ache and I know this is mostly due to the extra weight. I am not planning on staying here, I want to fit back into my wardrobe of clothes that are not being worn I want to be able to lie down again without being strangled by my boobs! but I am not going to be obsessed with the scales like I was 3 years ago. I am not going to think the destination is the only place I can be happy with the person I am, I have learnt I am more than the size of my but, belly, legs or boobs!
Is this a healthy point of view? Not really according to all the fitness groups that are sending me emails to sign up to this 4 week challenge or that 8 week challenge, I should probably but it doesn't interest me to try to change a lifetime of habits it 12 months does not work, I have learnt that unless you address the underlying issues there really is no long term change to your life.
So I start this New Year and yes my clothes are a bigger size and I have to lose some extra kg but the difference in my acceptance of who I am is huge and yes so is my butt.
I am going to be happier on purpose and live by the values that matter to me. No more exercising that causes damage to an already fragile internal structure, no more blaming the circumstances around me for the current state I am in.
Moving my body is important because it keeps me sane, I currently do not enjoy the exercise I am doing but I know there is something out there for me and maybe I will get back into a proper training program and the past 10 weeks will be forgotten.
So this year I have 70 billion kg's to get off my body and keep off.
Do I feel embarrassed that my life went backwards from where it was 3 years ago in terms of weight gain? yes a little. Since I went in for surgery in 2013 I have gained approximately 20kg that's a lot of weight and I don't like the way I feel moving around most of the time. My joints ache and I know this is mostly due to the extra weight. I am not planning on staying here, I want to fit back into my wardrobe of clothes that are not being worn I want to be able to lie down again without being strangled by my boobs! but I am not going to be obsessed with the scales like I was 3 years ago. I am not going to think the destination is the only place I can be happy with the person I am, I have learnt I am more than the size of my but, belly, legs or boobs!
Is this a healthy point of view? Not really according to all the fitness groups that are sending me emails to sign up to this 4 week challenge or that 8 week challenge, I should probably but it doesn't interest me to try to change a lifetime of habits it 12 months does not work, I have learnt that unless you address the underlying issues there really is no long term change to your life.
So I start this New Year and yes my clothes are a bigger size and I have to lose some extra kg but the difference in my acceptance of who I am is huge and yes so is my butt.
I am going to be happier on purpose and live by the values that matter to me. No more exercising that causes damage to an already fragile internal structure, no more blaming the circumstances around me for the current state I am in.
Moving my body is important because it keeps me sane, I currently do not enjoy the exercise I am doing but I know there is something out there for me and maybe I will get back into a proper training program and the past 10 weeks will be forgotten.
So this year I have 70 billion kg's to get off my body and keep off.
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