My Fitness/ Health goals for 2014

No more injuries :-)

My Life goals for 2014

Give of my time to those around me with a heart of compassion and empathy, Love without compromise accept people for who they are and be in the community more. 

Have been blessed by so many wonderful people this year and I want to be a blessing to others in the same way. 

Open my heart, direct my path and use me Lord.

Two days until 2013 is over, I am starting  to feel like I need to work out, but I am fighting the urge to go to the gym with my husband because I gave myself 3 weeks break for a reason.

My New Years resolutions starting early:

To encourage my children with  eating more vegetables daily!
To take my  children off their wheat based diet, restrict their bread/ wrap consumption.
Begin the additive elimination diet from the time we return from holiday.
Limit my caffeine
Do the 8 week I quit sugar program to the end.

My husband has been a constant support and encouragement to me always, when I was larger he was there, I felt disconnected for a time and I was unhappy with our relationship but mostly that was due to my unhappiness with me and how that affected my view of everything.

It's funny the memories that come to mind, I remember  he always wanted someone he could exercise with and be active with when we were planning our wedding and honeymoon we chose Halls Gap because he wanted to go walking and be active in the outdoors on our honeymoon. He wanted a partner who could be active with him and a part from that first year or so of our marriage,  I have  never fitted into the mould of what my husband wanted in a partner.

January 7th is our 19th Wedding anniversary, I am really pleased that now I am able to be more and  do more and more with him ( apart from injury restricitons . I never realised how much I was missing out on not exercising, I am not referring to body change, although that is a side benefit I am just talking about the every day activities I can now do with ease.

I am looking forward to a year that will see my body repaired and with time I am hoping I will be able to achieve one of my fitness goals to run a 5k. Maybe train to do a tri who knows I am not going to give in to the broken body parts I am going to respect my body and do what I need to, to ensure I can continue doing what I love.

This time last year I was feeling really unhappy, unhappy with where I was physically and unhappy with how I felt mentally. I had it all planned out, I was going  to completely focus on the task at hand  make  2013 the year I truly could  be, who I knew I could/ can be! 2013 my year  to achieve my dream self body and mind.

 I am nowhere close to where I planned to be this close to turning 40, yet  I accept me a lot more now than I did this time last year.  I am not so far from where I was last year in the wrong direction yet I feel more at ease, I don't know exactly why that is but I do.

Let me be clear,  I have not given up, my ease is  not because I've let go of my dream and just don't care. My ease is because I have accepted my attitude was not helping me, feeling negative about myself all the time is not helpful, sure I have done the wrong thing for most of the year, I needed to acknowledge I have let myself down, nothing is going to change that fact and I could stay in that feeling of self loathing but I don't want to. I am happy that even though I've encountered some set backs, I have kept on going and I am continuing in  believing the mental change will come to produce the physical one I chase.

I am happy that most of the time now I  actually listen to my body, sure there are times when I try to ignore the pain and push through, sometimes I have to just check it's not a mental barrier that's holding back and the pain is real. :-)

These are the real body faults that I work around and try to ignore if I can.

osteoarthritis in my spine, knees, feet and I believe fingers now, what's caused it no idea I did carry a lot of weight for a long period of time, but my gp indicated to have it this bad at my age was more than carrying extra weight.  Orthotics have helped so much, I cannot thank my pt enough for recommending to get my feet looked at, as I say he has literally changed my life, the pain I used to be in constantly with my back is nothing really now in comparison. It was interesting to find out why I may of been so clumsy/ lack co ordination,  apparently my feet are just not doing their job to keep me upright.

My lower pelvis twists and causes my back to slip out, which causes my hips to tighten and spasm this is usually fixed by either my chiropractor, osteopath or massage therapist. I have started having my upper spine twist which causes my ribs to move and makes it hard to breath.

My shoulder has a slight tear and is unstable at times, which needs to massaged back into place and causes a tightness in my neck that is annoying not painful so much just makes it stiff to turn my head. I have trouble holding onto barbell with weight for any period of time so use gloves and wrist straps to help.

My knees the torn meniscus on the right and left due to wear and tear and then the dance party last feb, along with some unusual joint damage and the arthritis.  I apparently will probably need knee replacements. My osteopath explained one of the conditions that showed in the mri means that I have smaller knee caps than normal so I guess add to that the excess weight they were just not built to hold that much body up.

My elbow has been bothering me for about 6 months, have had dry needling then my physio referred me for an ultrasound which showed no tendon damage. It locks in place and I then lose all strength in my forearm and wrist again needing the wrist straps for lifting. My osteopath had a feel last week and now thinks I may have a slight tear in my tri cep tendon so will need to have that looked at in the New Year.

All of these are irrelevant, moving my body is important to keep me mentally well and my body as strong as it can be. Yet I know without a shadow of a doubt exercise is not going to fix the body shape issues I have,  the main way to change my body shape is to change what I eat, when I eat and why I eat.

2014 is time to focus on nutrition and see what happens. :-)

Three weeks off intense exercise is much needed, not sure if I could hold up to another genfit training session at the moment I feel wrecked! I plan to walk and maybe ride a bit if Scott can get my mountain bike fixed.

I asked Sean what I could do while in the Grampians, his response nothing with more than a 5% risk factor. Caleb asked if that meant I would not be climbing the pinnacle this year, probably not which is sad as I enjoy doing it but there is no way my knee will cope with climbing that amount of steps and rocks this year. If I do  maybe I will give the (nerve test) a shot, google it it's a thin strip of rocks you walk out onto that has no surrounding support on either side just a line of rocks, I am sure my co ordination skills will successfully complete that right?

Excited to of started my fitness course, finding it interesting, bit worried I don't have the brain to remember all the muscle names.
Found out last night that apparently, my personality is suited to being a group fitness instructor. Someone loud and people orientated who loves being in a group and center of attention on the stage. Found that strange, because I am pretty shy around people I don't know and do not like being the center of attention, then I remembered those two times I jumped on stage with Jude in Sh bam. Maybe I could train in sh bam or boxing mmmm there's an idea.

Was sitting next to a lady in class last night also named Kelly, who mentioned she used to work in a gym I was once a member of a long time ago and it didn't last long.
I said "oh that's funny  I used to go to that gym years ago, maybe you were there when I was a member?" her response was " yeah I remember you, as soon as I saw your face I recognised you from somewhere, I didn't realise where until you said that" She did gym programs and reception at this gym and I was a member maybe 10 years ago, I was wondering how you could write a gym program with no fitness qualifications?

Cannot end my year without saying once more how much I thank Sean for his consistent support and guidance and keeping me mostly together in one piece. Wise beyond his years and able to inspire and motivate a lot of people, not just me. I miss our one on one pt sessions, but am loving the small group training he does and the weekly smashing we get delivered.  While I have no plans to ever work as a pt, if I chose to model myself on someone who I trust and look up to it would be him.

I have eaten way to much chocolate since Friday night, the day  when I hurt my back swinging a kettle bell. I am not using my back as an excuse, I just mentally lose the plot when it goes out and I gave in to the overwhelming feeling of failing once again with not being able to hold myself together in one piece for one week. Choosing  to self medicate with panadeine forte and chocolate most of the weekend was stupid I know it and so does my skin and my body. I cannot  even declare it was good dark chocolate it was cheap and nasty chocolate with  popping candy.

I am not up for training today, maybe this whole  week, maybe until the New Year I haven't decided. I feel broken and unable to keep going right now, mentally I am not in it. The focus and determination I had at the start of genfit was great, I could see it was a change of pace and exciting, I knew I would need to be careful and follow the advice I was given and then each week something seems to fall apart and there are more and more restrictions placed on what I can and cannot do. I feel bad that Sean has to constantly think of extra stuff I can do, when it would be much simpler just to have the healthy bodied participants join in. I love the program and seeing the changes each week but the body is just not coping. Maybe it's  the programs intensity, maybe it's just my body is done and it is time to give up the idea of doing intense gym training at all,  like my gp has said for over a year.

Funnily enough  I just was thinking about taking a month off over Christmas on Friday then this happened, my body telling me I need to take a break?

If you need a reality check about your body go and try on clothes and look from both angles....
:-)

This smack in the face last night when looking for something to wear to Noah's grade 6 graduation may of depressed me initially. I smiled to myself when I  thought about the night before. It was Christmas carols at the school, one of the mum's whose child is in grade 6 with Noah,said to me "WOW every time I see you I just have to tell you how amazing you look. " It cheered me up from the changing room ordeal to think about this.
It made me realise, I need to move forward! there really  is no point comparing myself to last year, what's done is done. I am unhappy with myself and I have been fore a long time! No point bitching only I can change it,  it's not going to change backwards it's going to change forwards.  I just need to keep going from this point here now where I am. I am seeing small changes week by week and that is important.

Gains in strength and determination, battling the tears when I feel stabbing pain in my knee to not give in and cry ( nearly happend Wednesday morning when I got on the rower and the pain started)  and my clothes getting looser, I refuse to weigh myself because it changes my focus.

I start school in 12 days and I want to feel comfortable being in that environment also 18 days until Christmas apart from drinking on one of those days, my no sugar or junk challenge with my dh has begun again.