A rundown of what's happening at the moment and into 2018

I made the decision to discuss weight loss surgery with my GP in March of this year and she encouraged me to go and speak to a surgeon and book in. As my weigh is not anywhere near healthy at the moment and while I do exercise regularly I simply cannot do the same kind of intense exercise I once did, if I am being completely honest I just don't have that belief in myself that I can achieve the size I need to, to fall into "healthy" 

I did not agree with WLS as an option for me did not consider it for a long time but have since talked with numerous people who've had the operation and have recommended it to me.  I was considering my age, the brokenness of my body and my ultimate desire to be as active as I can as I age and my weight is going to hinder that. 

I made the first appointment for May and rescheduled it because I was fearful about the possible consequences and gave myself the same old negative talk that it was a cop out and I needed to do it the " normal" way.  

I then rescheduled and was booked in for the first day of my return to work so canceled and did not rebook for almost 2 months while I thought long and hard about why I was doing this and what I hoped it would do.

Anyway, I researched some more and finally had an appointment with a specialist at the end of October, his initial consult was very comfortable and so I booked in for surgery on my 44th birthday next year. 

So for the next 11 weeks, I am going to be mindful of changing some of my negative talk, behavior, and attitudes and am going to think about the tool I will have to help me achieve my goal

Wow, it's been awhile why is today so special that I would start to re write the old fitness/ health blog?

Today marks 6 years since I made the decision to lose weight consciously thinking about exercising and food to try and transform my body.

Well, 6 years on what has happened? A lot! I lost 38kg with a lot of exercise very little change in my mental view of myself and trying to out exercise my poor food habits. I chose to continue on my destructive path and do more than  I was told to do, resulting in my body breaking and rebelling. I had multiple body mishap two knee operations, a partially torn shoulder, multiple back episodes, arthritis in my feet and some pretty epic mental battles. I have completed my Certificate III and IV in fitness, my boxing qualifications and my MP nutrition level 1. I gained back an astronomical amount of weight, struggled repeatedly with seeing myself as a number on a scale and not a person and I've pushed my mental health and well being to the back burner and tried desperately to regain the body composition I achieved in the first 18 months but failed miserably.

Then I had a complete turn around about two years ago when I realised my focus had to be on my functionality and not on the size of my butt or bust ( although it is desperately needing to change) since then my recovery has been slow, I am still nowhere near the strength and fitness I was at during the peak of my weight loss and exercise. My inability to stay focused for more than a second has seemed impossible but you know what has remained consistent through out?

The most important part of my journey I met Sean/ Yoda, now it hasn't always been smooth sailing between the two of us I was a bit of a stubborn shit, for quite awhile unwilling to listen or accept his advice.

He has always supported, encouraged and pushed me my body composition may not be a testament to his skill as a trainer that is entirely on my and nothing to do with his abundance of knowledge or skill with training. He has always encouraged my health and well being and never pushed me to try anything that will cause further injury or discomfort to my fragile joints. So I just want to say
a massive
THANK YOU to Yoda without you I have no idea where I would be, I know our time together is not over and I hope this click around the moon will see some progress once again.

Have great day

WELCOME TO MY BLOG :)

This week has seen my life take off in a new direction and I love it!

 I re enrolled to study at a Christian higher education provider, I can hear the groaning but listen  for me this is the perfect place,  an extension of my faith and gaining an undergraduate degree in a supportive community of like minded folk in a very small setting, close proximity to my house and just a peaceful pleasant place to be. 

I started the week enrolled in one community development subject, one core theology/ language based subject and a counselling subject.

 Tuesday I had withdrawn from counselling, knowing before I walked into the first scheduled class, this doesn't feel complete, this is not quite right. 

I  started looking into the options for subjects to combine with the community development major just before break,  I really wanted to do no less than 3 units this semester. Nothing in the theology or youth streams was available. I soon  realised very quickly the answer was staring at me.  I just  needed to ask the question and see if the area, the one I yearned to study, deep within me for at least thirty years would be an option.   

 I am not going to lie, over the course of the next few mintues/ possible hour as  I was listening to my current lecturer I was waging in internal war with myself. 

As has been the story for a lot of my life, I was  trying to talk myself out of seeing if it was an option( I'm too old, too different in appearance, too all over the shop to be successful).

I pushed that self doubt aside and jumped in, I was a little nervous filled with adrenalin and went and spoke to my course adviser. I was trying to be intelligent in  explaining how strongly I felt  I need to continue with CD but pursue something completely different to the counselling and youth studies I initially thought I would do. 

I need to see if I can study EDUCATION alongside it, to complete a second major with the hope of being a teacher in a diverse community here, abroad,  or maybe a special ed teacher in the local community. 
My  course adviser  who must think I am a nut job, listened and spoke to the head of the intimate  small Education department. 

Internally I was still believing he would turn around and  look at me and say no sorry, I just don't think it's a good fit for her.

 Well I am excited to say,  not at all what he said. He was very encouraging,  told me he thought we should catch up sometime the next day, so I withdrew from family counselling and enrolled in developmental learning and pedagogies, to start the first class the following afternoon. 

Wednesday morning when we sat down to chat, I simply  explained how long I'd had the internal desire to be a teacher,  yet a feared I just would not be good, or fit in.
 The lecturer said he thought it was a great idea and that  I would be a welcome addition to the class. So for now I am just going to do what I can, work my hardest to achieve,  how exactly that will end I don't know,  I am so excited to be on the path of beginning. 

 I am now a uni student studying community development with a second major and a minor as part of my BA in Education/ English. Whoop whoop 

Stay tuned!