This time last year I was feeling really unhappy, unhappy with where I was physically and unhappy with how I felt mentally. I had it all planned out, I was going to completely focus on the task at hand make 2013 the year I truly could be, who I knew I could/ can be! 2013 my year to achieve my dream self body and mind.
I am nowhere close to where I planned to be this close to turning 40, yet I accept me a lot more now than I did this time last year. I am not so far from where I was last year in the wrong direction yet I feel more at ease, I don't know exactly why that is but I do.
Let me be clear, I have not given up, my ease is not because I've let go of my dream and just don't care. My ease is because I have accepted my attitude was not helping me, feeling negative about myself all the time is not helpful, sure I have done the wrong thing for most of the year, I needed to acknowledge I have let myself down, nothing is going to change that fact and I could stay in that feeling of self loathing but I don't want to. I am happy that even though I've encountered some set backs, I have kept on going and I am continuing in believing the mental change will come to produce the physical one I chase.
I am happy that most of the time now I actually listen to my body, sure there are times when I try to ignore the pain and push through, sometimes I have to just check it's not a mental barrier that's holding back and the pain is real. :-)
These are the real body faults that I work around and try to ignore if I can.
osteoarthritis in my spine, knees, feet and I believe fingers now, what's caused it no idea I did carry a lot of weight for a long period of time, but my gp indicated to have it this bad at my age was more than carrying extra weight. Orthotics have helped so much, I cannot thank my pt enough for recommending to get my feet looked at, as I say he has literally changed my life, the pain I used to be in constantly with my back is nothing really now in comparison. It was interesting to find out why I may of been so clumsy/ lack co ordination, apparently my feet are just not doing their job to keep me upright.
My lower pelvis twists and causes my back to slip out, which causes my hips to tighten and spasm this is usually fixed by either my chiropractor, osteopath or massage therapist. I have started having my upper spine twist which causes my ribs to move and makes it hard to breath.
My shoulder has a slight tear and is unstable at times, which needs to massaged back into place and causes a tightness in my neck that is annoying not painful so much just makes it stiff to turn my head. I have trouble holding onto barbell with weight for any period of time so use gloves and wrist straps to help.
My knees the torn meniscus on the right and left due to wear and tear and then the dance party last feb, along with some unusual joint damage and the arthritis. I apparently will probably need knee replacements. My osteopath explained one of the conditions that showed in the mri means that I have smaller knee caps than normal so I guess add to that the excess weight they were just not built to hold that much body up.
My elbow has been bothering me for about 6 months, have had dry needling then my physio referred me for an ultrasound which showed no tendon damage. It locks in place and I then lose all strength in my forearm and wrist again needing the wrist straps for lifting. My osteopath had a feel last week and now thinks I may have a slight tear in my tri cep tendon so will need to have that looked at in the New Year.
All of these are irrelevant, moving my body is important to keep me mentally well and my body as strong as it can be. Yet I know without a shadow of a doubt exercise is not going to fix the body shape issues I have, the main way to change my body shape is to change what I eat, when I eat and why I eat.
2014 is time to focus on nutrition and see what happens. :-)
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