I have eaten way to much chocolate since Friday night, the day when I hurt my back swinging a kettle bell. I am not using my back as an excuse, I just mentally lose the plot when it goes out and I gave in to the overwhelming feeling of failing once again with not being able to hold myself together in one piece for one week. Choosing to self medicate with panadeine forte and chocolate most of the weekend was stupid I know it and so does my skin and my body. I cannot even declare it was good dark chocolate it was cheap and nasty chocolate with popping candy.
I am not up for training today, maybe this whole week, maybe until the New Year I haven't decided. I feel broken and unable to keep going right now, mentally I am not in it. The focus and determination I had at the start of genfit was great, I could see it was a change of pace and exciting, I knew I would need to be careful and follow the advice I was given and then each week something seems to fall apart and there are more and more restrictions placed on what I can and cannot do. I feel bad that Sean has to constantly think of extra stuff I can do, when it would be much simpler just to have the healthy bodied participants join in. I love the program and seeing the changes each week but the body is just not coping. Maybe it's the programs intensity, maybe it's just my body is done and it is time to give up the idea of doing intense gym training at all, like my gp has said for over a year.
Funnily enough I just was thinking about taking a month off over Christmas on Friday then this happened, my body telling me I need to take a break?
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