How is life tracking this week?
Terrible it started last Friday night and has continued most of the week, eating foods I know are counter productive to my fat loss needs, not doing rehab enough, no foam rolling at all and forgetting my water bottle with me when I leave the house.
Training has begun again and I am back to a bare minimum, no high intensity, just light upper body and even that was hard, working at a much lower level intensity than what I did before surgery and it was hard! I am sure my strength regression and subsequent pain with returning to training is noticeable to my trainer but he keeps being positive and telling me I am doing great even when it feels crappy :-)
What has lead to such a downward spiral in my emotional state and a lack of positive thoughts this week?
A self imposed sense of failure, bought on by comparing myself to someone else the number one no no in fat loss/ fitness goals, sure be inspired but comparing is never the answer. I was motivated and instantly ashamed of myself because I was looking at someone who has smashed their fitness and nutrition and achieved in 6 months what I have been unable to reach whole heartedly for in 3 years. I can't help it and was overwhelmed with a sense of not being good enough, coupled with the beginning of cert IV this week and feeling like wtf am I doing, I am a fraud thinking I can be of help to anyone, clearly I cannot get myself together how could I possibly be able to support anyone else?
Is it of benefit to see myself in such a negative light no, the negative leads to more negative and the cycle becomes constant. My daily joy and being with friends, family, hobbies, gym etc loses it's value and I start to withdraw. This morning I had a commitment to do something in relation to my cert IV training and I couldn't keep the appointment because of this sense of failure within me, I know this week I have let myself down but I feel like I have let others down to and while I know it's a completely irrational thought process that's where I am at. So instead of dwelling on it and continuing the spiral into myself I am blogging it once again, making it public and being accountable for what happens from this moment onwards.
Each decision I make today will feed my soul, nourish my body and move me out of the comfortable place I am in once again. Self loathing is easy to me, loving myself through the good and the bad is the battle.
No comments:
Post a Comment