Today's post is reflective, remembering all of the time I have wasted over the past 3 years, not a negative post. Simply a look at myself, just an acknowledgment that I have felt so bad about myself at times, certain failures in parts of this life change, that I robbed myself of seeing the good.
Almost 3 years down the track since I made the decision that I wanted to change my life, I am still doing all I can to exercise regularly, change my food habits and control my sugar cravings that can lead to binging.
What has helped this year, a conversation with my counsellor that had me change the way I was doing things. I relaxed my ideas on what I believed to be the "right " way and have accepted my flaws, broken body parts and tried to work with them. I have relaxed my nutrition have lost fat and am less likely to binge than before. I am not saying I don't ever eat what I shouldn't but I feel less guilt and it is all helping to shift the fat I've been trying to lose for 2 years.
I respect my body more, I probably pushed a bit hard the last couple of weeks before surgery, but in hind sight I don't regret that as it looks like my knee was ready to tear on the other side anyway and this was what I thought would happen so pushing meant if there was a tear it would be evident and repaired then and no need for surgery again in 6-12 months. I also was in the right frame of mind this time, so listening to my physiotherapist and his recommendations to restrict my exercise has been easy. Accepting keyhole surgery is still surgery and requires time to heal this time, big change to last time. So instead of a month after surgery me gaining weight, this time I have not worried about the scales but I know I have not gained weight as my clothes fit well and I feel comfortable.
oh and I am 1/2 way through my fitness course, gosh this was the best decision I ever made. I had no desire to work in the fitness industry when I started, purely doing this so I can provide a service with art n soul in a voluntary capacity and for my own knowledge of muscles and nutrition and programming.
My thoughts on that are changing, there are moments when I think, I might actually have some skills to help others, maybe if I can just get to x weight and do a full body pull up with no band then maybe I could try to work in the industry. Apparently unless you can pull up people shouldn't chose you to be their pt ;-), I want to inspire someone or some people to push their comfort zone and be better just like Sean did and continues to do for me. I want to flog some specific individuals ( Trudy ).
Anyway just wanted to share where I am at, I feel positive and hopeful that this is the year it all finishes with the coming together of myself and who I want to be.
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