Not sure how this post will read, there are a lot of emotions swirling inside me at the moment and I am unsure where I am headed.
This blog was started 2.5 years ago as an accountability tool to myself, in an attempt to try and focus my direction and help me with my fat loss and fitness goals.
Today I look back on that time and I see a massive bell curve in in both fitness, fat loss and general health and well being and physically I am back to square one.
I thought this year studying fitness would bring me back to a place where my life externally reflected how I feel internally about exercise and fitness meaning I would gain the body size, shape, weight I have wanted since day 1.
What do you know history repeated and this has not been the case, I am actually finishing the year in a worse place than where I started, I am stronger but that achievement seems irrelevant to me as it was not one of the SMART goals I set when I first joined the gym and more importantly when I first started pt.
Today Sunday 9/11 the rest of my goals seem so much further away than even 12 months ago that I am unsure how they are ever going to happen.
Honestly I was studying fitness/ nutrition how does that even happen, that I gain fat during the course? Don't get me wrong this year has been one of the best most stressful hard years I have gone through yet I just feel I did myself out of finishing the year on the high it could of.
I am writing it out because honestly feeling miserable and filled with self loathing about the past is making it harder to step away, it is a pattern of behaviour I know is not going to change me, it just makes me feel even worse than I already do.
It's one month yesterday until I jump out of the sky from 14,000 feet above Melbourne so I am going to focus on what I can achieve in this next lot of 4 weeks 28 individual days to get through and do the best that I can each and everyone.
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