Good to be back to blogging, now there is going to be no New Year new me post because tbh I am pretty happy with the person I am, there are parts of my physical appearance that are not ideal but the change from within I am totally okay with and I think I needed to experience all of it to be where I am.
Do I feel embarrassed that my life went backwards from where it was 3 years ago in terms of weight gain? yes a little. Since I went in for surgery in 2013 I have gained approximately 20kg that's a lot of weight and I don't like the way I feel moving around most of the time. My joints ache and I know this is mostly due to the extra weight. I am not planning on staying here, I want to fit back into my wardrobe of clothes that are not being worn I want to be able to lie down again without being strangled by my boobs! but I am not going to be obsessed with the scales like I was 3 years ago. I am not going to think the destination is the only place I can be happy with the person I am, I have learnt I am more than the size of my but, belly, legs or boobs!
Is this a healthy point of view? Not really according to all the fitness groups that are sending me emails to sign up to this 4 week challenge or that 8 week challenge, I should probably but it doesn't interest me to try to change a lifetime of habits it 12 months does not work, I have learnt that unless you address the underlying issues there really is no long term change to your life.
So I start this New Year and yes my clothes are a bigger size and I have to lose some extra kg but the difference in my acceptance of who I am is huge and yes so is my butt.
I am going to be happier on purpose and live by the values that matter to me. No more exercising that causes damage to an already fragile internal structure, no more blaming the circumstances around me for the current state I am in.
Moving my body is important because it keeps me sane, I currently do not enjoy the exercise I am doing but I know there is something out there for me and maybe I will get back into a proper training program and the past 10 weeks will be forgotten.
So this year I have 70 billion kg's to get off my body and keep off.
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