Then there are people who look at you, see your size and say things like " just do this and this and this and you won't fail, you'll be successful lose weight and that's it."
I wish it was that easy, I wish I could just instantly change who I've become in the past few months and be who I was 6 months ago, I honestly do not know what happened to change me into who I am at the moment and how lost I feel.
2013 was supposed to be the year I shined, broke through my weight loss plateau and conquered this fitness goals I had, instead it's been a year of weight gain and injuries and I've fallen into it all with a sense of hopelessness that this is where I am destined to be. Struggling and fighting but never really overcoming all that's held me captive for so long food and my body.
Friday night my gym had a dinner to present the winners of our recent 12 week challenge with their awards, the hard working dedicated participants of the challenge also received a participation medallion. I was really enjoying the night and celebrating with those who did so well, then during the presentations my pt gave a speech congratulating me, on all I'd achieved, I felt so undeserving of his lovely speech and praise talking about all I've achieved and the award in general.I just wanted the ground to swallow me, here I was sitting with women and men who had achieved amazing results and I did not earn of deserve any of the recognition they did at that point. I don't want to feel like that anymore.
I want to be better, feel better look better so I am not feeling like I've let everyone who has supported and believed in me down. So I am trying something unconventional and against all that I've been told, in an attempt to alter the person I am ashamed of that I have become, back to the person I was starting to be proud of and all that I have achieved.
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