A rundown of what's happening at the moment and into 2018

I made the decision to discuss weight loss surgery with my GP in March of this year and she encouraged me to go and speak to a surgeon and book in. As my weigh is not anywhere near healthy at the moment and while I do exercise regularly I simply cannot do the same kind of intense exercise I once did, if I am being completely honest I just don't have that belief in myself that I can achieve the size I need to, to fall into "healthy" 

I did not agree with WLS as an option for me did not consider it for a long time but have since talked with numerous people who've had the operation and have recommended it to me.  I was considering my age, the brokenness of my body and my ultimate desire to be as active as I can as I age and my weight is going to hinder that. 

I made the first appointment for May and rescheduled it because I was fearful about the possible consequences and gave myself the same old negative talk that it was a cop out and I needed to do it the " normal" way.  

I then rescheduled and was booked in for the first day of my return to work so canceled and did not rebook for almost 2 months while I thought long and hard about why I was doing this and what I hoped it would do.

Anyway, I researched some more and finally had an appointment with a specialist at the end of October, his initial consult was very comfortable and so I booked in for surgery on my 44th birthday next year. 

So for the next 11 weeks, I am going to be mindful of changing some of my negative talk, behavior, and attitudes and am going to think about the tool I will have to help me achieve my goal

Wow, it's been awhile why is today so special that I would start to re write the old fitness/ health blog?

Today marks 6 years since I made the decision to lose weight consciously thinking about exercising and food to try and transform my body.

Well, 6 years on what has happened? A lot! I lost 38kg with a lot of exercise very little change in my mental view of myself and trying to out exercise my poor food habits. I chose to continue on my destructive path and do more than  I was told to do, resulting in my body breaking and rebelling. I had multiple body mishap two knee operations, a partially torn shoulder, multiple back episodes, arthritis in my feet and some pretty epic mental battles. I have completed my Certificate III and IV in fitness, my boxing qualifications and my MP nutrition level 1. I gained back an astronomical amount of weight, struggled repeatedly with seeing myself as a number on a scale and not a person and I've pushed my mental health and well being to the back burner and tried desperately to regain the body composition I achieved in the first 18 months but failed miserably.

Then I had a complete turn around about two years ago when I realised my focus had to be on my functionality and not on the size of my butt or bust ( although it is desperately needing to change) since then my recovery has been slow, I am still nowhere near the strength and fitness I was at during the peak of my weight loss and exercise. My inability to stay focused for more than a second has seemed impossible but you know what has remained consistent through out?

The most important part of my journey I met Sean/ Yoda, now it hasn't always been smooth sailing between the two of us I was a bit of a stubborn shit, for quite awhile unwilling to listen or accept his advice.

He has always supported, encouraged and pushed me my body composition may not be a testament to his skill as a trainer that is entirely on my and nothing to do with his abundance of knowledge or skill with training. He has always encouraged my health and well being and never pushed me to try anything that will cause further injury or discomfort to my fragile joints. So I just want to say
a massive
THANK YOU to Yoda without you I have no idea where I would be, I know our time together is not over and I hope this click around the moon will see some progress once again.

Have great day

WELCOME TO MY BLOG :)

This week has seen my life take off in a new direction and I love it!

 I re enrolled to study at a Christian higher education provider, I can hear the groaning but listen  for me this is the perfect place,  an extension of my faith and gaining an undergraduate degree in a supportive community of like minded folk in a very small setting, close proximity to my house and just a peaceful pleasant place to be. 

I started the week enrolled in one community development subject, one core theology/ language based subject and a counselling subject.

 Tuesday I had withdrawn from counselling, knowing before I walked into the first scheduled class, this doesn't feel complete, this is not quite right. 

I  started looking into the options for subjects to combine with the community development major just before break,  I really wanted to do no less than 3 units this semester. Nothing in the theology or youth streams was available. I soon  realised very quickly the answer was staring at me.  I just  needed to ask the question and see if the area, the one I yearned to study, deep within me for at least thirty years would be an option.   

 I am not going to lie, over the course of the next few mintues/ possible hour as  I was listening to my current lecturer I was waging in internal war with myself. 

As has been the story for a lot of my life, I was  trying to talk myself out of seeing if it was an option( I'm too old, too different in appearance, too all over the shop to be successful).

I pushed that self doubt aside and jumped in, I was a little nervous filled with adrenalin and went and spoke to my course adviser. I was trying to be intelligent in  explaining how strongly I felt  I need to continue with CD but pursue something completely different to the counselling and youth studies I initially thought I would do. 

I need to see if I can study EDUCATION alongside it, to complete a second major with the hope of being a teacher in a diverse community here, abroad,  or maybe a special ed teacher in the local community. 
My  course adviser  who must think I am a nut job, listened and spoke to the head of the intimate  small Education department. 

Internally I was still believing he would turn around and  look at me and say no sorry, I just don't think it's a good fit for her.

 Well I am excited to say,  not at all what he said. He was very encouraging,  told me he thought we should catch up sometime the next day, so I withdrew from family counselling and enrolled in developmental learning and pedagogies, to start the first class the following afternoon. 

Wednesday morning when we sat down to chat, I simply  explained how long I'd had the internal desire to be a teacher,  yet a feared I just would not be good, or fit in.
 The lecturer said he thought it was a great idea and that  I would be a welcome addition to the class. So for now I am just going to do what I can, work my hardest to achieve,  how exactly that will end I don't know,  I am so excited to be on the path of beginning. 

 I am now a uni student studying community development with a second major and a minor as part of my BA in Education/ English. Whoop whoop 

Stay tuned!

January 1 Post:                                     HAPPY NEW YEAR


WARNING THIS BLOG IS MAINLY ABOUT MY JOURNEY TO HEALTH AND SO THERE IS LOTS OF EXERCISE, FOOD AND EMOTIONS.

2016 Was not a terrible year for me, it was actually a year of awakening and acceptance, maturity in understanding my body and it's limitations accepting and pushing for change through working with rather than against my body.

There has been a big change to my working life as of 2 day ago, while I know the change was necessary, I am still finding it hard to process to completion. I can't actually bring myself to throw my work uniform away, a uniform I dislike it's hideously uncomfortable to wear. So I am just sitting with it at the moment, reflecting on the opportunity I had over the past 5.5 years with Specsavers to work with some amazing people who I am grateful to have known, when I am really ready to throw it out I will. I just don't want to lose that one piece of my life that has for so long been a part of me, the title that allows me to feel connected to the working world and a life outside of being wife, mother, sister, daughter, friend. just me.

I participated in a 12 week challenge at they gym in August- November and it was not a life changer for me in terms of losing body fat and changing body composition. It did make me question what kind of long term damage I have done to my body with all the dieting, poor nutrition and extreme exercise over the past 5 years and why my body is functioning worse by the end of the challenge than the beginning, when I had done things very differently to the prior  few months  to make it a success.

I am thinking about continuing education but also just studying for my own personal growth and not to " work" for the moment I would just like to be able to assist Scott and work with my husband wearing whatever want and with whatever hair I want.

After a body scan analysis I was encouraged to begin eating meat again or at the very least eggs, which is not the issue. There are plenty of plant based body building meatheads that do not include any animal products and are fine. But for some reason I was losing muscle mass and not body fat.

One of the trainers I used during the challenge gave me the contact information for  a naturopath who is science based and very informative. I've met with him twice and in two consultations he was able to establish exactly what my body composition is but also what  my cells are doing and is seems they  are not absorbing nutrients or water so I am dehydrated at a cell level and  and while I have a good amount of muscle for my frame the muscle quality is poor due to lack of nutrients. While I am dehydrated I am also carrying a lot of inflammation based fluid which is probably from both injuries and food intolerance.  Finally some answers, so for now we are working on building a stronger gut which will in turn allow for a change from the inside that should improve the outside. Already with a better b vitamin than ever before I have found my coffee consumption has dropped from every day to probably every third day.

So for this coming year I plan to be more present with myself, family,my friends and more present in the community.

 Starting with keeping a better financial budget and being responsible for moving my body daily in some way.

Hey guys it's not Nicole,

Currently I am writing a shopping list with my cookbible it's been awhile since I've wanted to create our weekly shopping around MP purely from laziness, I've seen the success it brings and I want to be all that I can be. Not just a changed physical person I want to feel health and vitality long term, this program allows for structure and freedom.

I know there are programs that promote massive change in short term time frame that many of you have had success with and I celebrate that with you, but  I don't want to do that, for me feeling well long term has to be maintainable. It's about changing the focus from what I look like only to how I feel internally, how strong my body is, how well it repairs and replenishes and how it looks.

I am 1/2 way through a challenge at the gym and I am loving it, getting back to regularly exercise where I feel like I am actually achieving something for my health and well being. I had no desire other than to see it through with out giving up. This week has not been ideal, I missed meals, ate out with friends and my son and Rosie I  consumed 1 bottle of CC and dry with my son Friday night at his presentation.
I have also  noticed my one coffee a day is becoming more like 2 or even 3 occassionaly and I am not drinking enough h2O, so this is my public accountability to fix that.

I was blessed with cheaper tickets a couple of years ago,  to see Gillian Michaels ( thank you so much TD) with her  Maximise Your Life tour, this week I have thought a lot about that night and if I am living the principles? No mostly I am not, I am 42 years old and I am still waiting to live the life I was created for, what's stopping me?

I want to continue to work with people who suffer with depression and anxiety, I want to explore all that involves and be a part of the program in the capacity I am capable.

I want to be a better person, more willing to give of myself and not limit it to my comfort zone.

Two months since my last post, okay today I wanted to address mental health as well as physical.

I realised this week, I have fallen into the trap of believing in order to experience happiness in life that I have to feel joyous and happy ( thank you to Dr Jodi Richardson for her insightful workshop on this topic, such a light bulb moment)  That was, is not the case. I made the connection between my negative responses and the reality that it's okay to feel sad, I simply need to  recognise it and work with it doesn't mean life needs to change,  it will inevitably be filled with times of sadness I need to change how I responded to each and every situation.

I hope my attitude has not caused any long term damage to relationships and I apologise for being a sour puss.

Secondly exercise, how good is it to be able to move your body to release some stress, anger, frustration. re build a damaged, broken body. I initially saw exercise as only a way to change my physical appearance which I did and was still unhappy with who I was! I'm sure I am not alone in believing exercise is done to change the way you look,  lets be honest you can definitely do that with exercise and the right fuel.
 I see it as a way to keep my self in tune mentally far more than I am concerned with how I look, if I start to miss too many gym sessions I suffer. My body simply does not function without regular exercise to keep my joints mobile, I have no idea how I got by doing nothing for so long, my next goal  I want to start walking with my dogs more so I'm outside in the sunshine and not just inside the gym all the time. If you do not exercise at all or see no benefit I encourage you to take a walk to the end of your street today and back or even around your back yard,  you will feel better for it.

I am currently in the third week of a 12 week challenge, I committed to no alcohol or chocolate in the block and so far so good. We had body scans done at the start of the challenge with inbody and I am shocked by what has taken place inside me over the past 12 months. I know my training dropped again due to my second severe back injury in less than 12 months, I currently do low load leg work and then injured my forearm/ wrist and hand so couldn't do a lot of upper body strength work. Started working a lot more and just didn't go to the gym.
Embarrassing result but  I  gained 2kg on the scales which itself is not great but changeable but the horrifying part is,  it equated to losing a significant amount of muscle and gaining body fat. It showed me beyond a doubt that body composition if far more important than a number on the scale. Quite simply going by my bm it i shifted by less than  .3 but I actually gained 7kg of fat and lost 4 kg of muscle, I am owning it public because I hope my struggles can show you that changing your life is long term, I am on the road back to where I want to be but it's hard to make the choice to be active and eat well 80% of the time.

Thanks to my trainers, you two are awesome and I love working with both of you.

Two months since my last post, okay today I wanted to address mental health as well as physical.

I realised this week, I have fallen into the trap of believing in order to experience happiness in life that I have to feel joyous and happy ( thank you to Dr Jodi Richardson for her insightful workshop on this topic, such a light bulb moment)  That was, is not the case. I made the connection between my negative responses and the reality that it's okay to feel sad, I simply need to  recognise it and work with it doesn't mean life needs to change,  it will inevitably be filled with times of sadness I need to change how I responded to each and every situation.

I hope my attitude has not caused any long term damage to relationships and I apologise for being a sour puss.

Secondly exercise, how good is it to be able to move your body to release some stress, anger, frustration. re build a damaged, broken body. I initially saw exercise as only a way to change my physical appearance which I did and was still unhappy with who I was! I'm sure I am not alone in believing exercise is done to change the way you look,  lets be honest you can definitely do that with exercise and the right fuel.
 I see it as a way to keep my self in tune mentally far more than I am concerned with how I look, if I start to miss too many gym sessions I suffer. My body simply does not function without regular exercise to keep my joints mobile, I have no idea how I got by doing nothing for so long, my next goal  I want to start walking with my dogs more so I'm outside in the sunshine and not just inside the gym all the time. If you do not exercise at all or see no benefit I encourage you to take a walk to the end of your street today and back or even around your back yard,  you will feel better for it.

I am currently in the third week of a 12 week challenge, I committed to no alcohol or chocolate in the block and so far so good. We had body scans done at the start of the challenge with inbody and I am shocked by what has taken place inside me over the past 12 months. I know my training dropped again due to my second severe back injury in less than 12 months, I currently do low load leg work and then injured my forearm/ wrist and hand so couldn't do a lot of upper body strength work. Started working a lot more and just didn't go to the gym.
Embarrassing result but  I  gained 2kg on the scales which itself is not great but changeable but the horrifying part is,  it equated to losing a significant amount of muscle and gaining body fat. It showed me beyond a doubt that body composition if far more important than a number on the scale. Quite simply going by my bm it i shifted by less than  .3 but I actually gained 7kg of fat and lost 4 kg of muscle, I am owning it public because I hope my struggles can show you that changing your life is long term, I am on the road back to where I want to be but it's hard to make the choice to be active and eat well 80% of the time.

Thanks to my trainers, you two are awesome and I love working with both of you.